Dreams and nightmares

Lately, I've been having some pretty gruesome and disturbing dreams. I know that it's quite normal during pregnancy to go through this,but I have never had it like this before.
I'm sure a lot of it is reflective of the state of my brain and my heart and all the things that are consuming me and paralysing me right now. I'm also sure that God is nudging me to change my attitude so that I can help change my situation.

I have been too lost in others grief, worries and pain, consumed with fear and paralysed with depression to see a way through to an easier life that I'm sure is just around the corner for us.

Last night, for example, I dreamed I was driving home from picking one of the kids up. Several times we past massive car accidents in which there were many dead and severely injured. Each incident was worse than the previous one we past. After that we went on a holiday by the seaside. The place we stayed in was beautiful, large enough to accommodate us all, and we all went. Then a massive storm came up and we lost things, just things. Unlike some of the neighbours who lost lives and loved ones. As the dream progressed, I would lose more things. I'd put something down, go to retrieve it later, and it would be gone!

I was telling Jacquie about it as I was driving her around today, and she said "it sounds like your life,really!" and a light bulb went on in my head! The more I thought about it, the more I realized she was right!

We have suffered some losses of THINGS. Some are quite annoying to live without, and some I desperately miss. So many of my friends and people I know have lost people or are suffering great trauma in their lives. I have taken it to heart, each and every one! I feel so inadequate to help them through these tough times and my heart is broken for them.

I have allowed all these external car wrecks to distract me from God's plan for my life. I have allowed the minor annoyances in my own sphere to drown and overwhelm me. I am truly sorry Lord, I took my eyes off you and sank beneath the waves, just as Peter did! Please forgive me and strengthen me to do the work You set for me.

I am so grateful for the talents and gifts You have given me. I know that I should be using them to get us back onto solid ground and to show others Your majesty. My head is filled with ideas and goals and dreams of an exciting future. One that will help others come to love You more and to see how much You love them.

I hope this is the first step back into living, really living. I want to be there for my friends, but I don't want to drown under their burdens. I will leave them at the cross, I know that the Lord is big enough to deal with all this stuff I am NOT big enough to carry or deal with.

Mostly, I feel the urgency to be there for my family.

Thank You Lord God for showing me that I have a part to do and I know You will do Your part. I ask for strength, wisdom and guidance and oh yeah, patience! :)